Feng Xing: Chapter 90
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Translation: marchmallow
Feng Sheng had already foreseen the result just based on the doctor’s assessment. This doctor’s words were too accurate, and he appeared to have genuine ability and knowledge.
When her father had compelled her to marry, depression overcame her, and it settled in the deepest recesses of her heart. Upon learning that her father had died, all her malaise erupted in an instant, rendering her unconscious for a considerable period of time. After that, although she had recovered, she felt that her health had become much worse than before.
In the years that followed, she bustled to and fro all over the place. She drank excessively and stayed up late as a routine, sleeping only four hours a day at the longest for nearly half a year.
That day’s cause became today’s bitter consequence.
However, were Feng Sheng to choose again, she would still make the same decision, only that she felt a little sorry for Prince Wei.
“How did this happen?” Zhi Qiu mumbled to herself, utterly dumbstruck in disbelief.
Zhi Chun shifted her gaze at Feng Sheng, then at her again, bemused and at a loss.
“Miss, don’t worry, there must be a way.”
“Yes, there must be a way,” Zhi Qiu recovered her senses and rushed to the old doctor. “Do you think this illness has a cure? Is there a treatment?”
“Miss, please don’t fret. It’s not that this old man doesn’t want to cure it. The fact is that it can’t be cured. The root of your body has been thoroughly damaged. How can it be cured? Even if you do get pregnant, the delivery won’t be in any way safe. Ai……”
“Alright, let’s go.”
Feng Sheng rose to her feet.
“Miss?”
“Look at you panicking like this. Isn’t it just that I can’t bear children? It’s not like I’m going to lose my life. Let’s go, there are other patients waiting. Don’t delay them.”
Feng Sheng led the two away, plodded through the back door of the teahouse, and entered the same private room. She did not immediately leave, but sat down and let the waiter change the tea.
Even though Zhi Qiu’s state of mind was in a whirl right this moment, she didn’t dare utter a word. She had just expressed that Feng Sheng shouldn’t worry, this doctor might not necessarily be accurate. If he was no good, then they could just turn to someone else. There were still a multitude of imperial physicians in the palace. If the imperial physicians were no good, there were still innumerable famous and divine doctors in the world. She could send a letter to Uncle Yu to scout them out.
“Don’t worry about me. What I said just now wasn’t to comfort you. I’m really fine. Leave me in peace.”
Zhi Chun pulled Zhi Qiu away, and the two darted outside the door.
Feng Sheng picked up the hot tea and quietly sipped a mouthful. The smoke lingered on her face, creating the illusion that her eyes were moist with tears.
She was never one of desperate nature. Perhaps it was a pity that she couldn’t bear children, but it wasn’t like she couldn’t keep on living. What she had to think about now was her future with Zong Yue.
When she married him, she had esteemed at that time that it was only because she had no other alternative. She merely felt that he had laid aside too many things for her. Should she have refused, she would have been too heartless. Just that, when she saw him offer her his heart without the slightest hesitation, she couldn’t bear to strike him down. However, at some point, her mentality gradually changed.
Although he didn’t say it, Feng Sheng knew that he actually wanted a child ever since the earlier period of their marriage. Because she had disguised as a man for too long, she couldn’t remember her own monthly cycle, yet he did. Before and after her monthly affairs, he would especially have someone boil her medicine to strengthen her body.
He had claimed that it was for nourishment, and she never thought to ask. It was only by accident that she learned from those below that it was a tonic for body conditioning and fertility. Since that time, she grew more interested in bearing a child.
Now, she was incapable of doing so.
Feng Sheng recalled a past event in her memory. Her mother’s health had always been poor. It was said that she had been ill since she was a maiden in the boudoir. After putting her life on the line to give birth to her, she was bedridden majority of the time. In her childhood, she spent very little time with her mother. She grew up drinking the wet nurse’s milk. After gaining a bit of understanding, what she was most afraid of was entering her mother’s room.
The room was always dim and dark, and the smell of medicine pervaded the air, but she knew that the person lying there was her mother, the one who had given birth to her.
Because her father was the patriarch and her mother bore only her, the clan wouldn’t cease lambasting them with criticism. The clan prompted her father to accept concubines, but he was unwilling. Those aunts always liked prattling about how her mother was a hen who couldn’t lay eggs, even going so far as to involve a few of her playmates, spurring them to troop after her and yammer drivel to her face.
Because of this matter, she got into a scuffle with someone.
The child’s seniority was higher than hers, and his mother was a shrew who always liked making trouble at home. Because of this, her mother had been impelled to drag her sick body out to apologize. She still recalled how her mother had stroked her head after that, telling her how it would have been better if she were a boy.
She was a girl. She couldn’t be a boy, but she felt that she herself wasn’t inferior to a boy. Since the clan laid emphasis on the erudition of the younger generation, she had begged her father to teach her how to read. She had dreamt that, one day, she would beat those people and show them that, even if she were a girl, she would let them witness how far ahead of them she was.
She achieved it. She passed the exam and obtained a scholarly honor. However, her mother once more expressed remorse, saying that her inability to birth a son had induced her to be the way she was.
‘Inability to birth a son’, a phrase that had trapped her mother all her life, now became her curse.
Was it so important that she couldn’t bear children?
It wasn’t just important, it was very important. At the very least, she didn’t want a life similar to her mother’s in the future. Perhaps she should discuss it with Zong Yue.
*
Despite her resolve, Feng Sheng made several attempts but ultimately couldn’t open her mouth.
Prince Wei strongly desired to bed her a lot. Feng Sheng initially had lukewarm feelings about it, but after several times of being pulled to bed, she began to reciprocate his enthusiasm. Whenever she thought about it, she would always feel unbearably abashed in her heart.
She had even developed a strange notion. Prince Wei probably wanted to do it so often because he utterly yearned for a son, but she let him do useless work.
After that, she felt a strange sense of guilt.
Zhi Qiu still hadn’t given up. Unable to convince Feng Sheng and afraid that Prince Wei might find out, she chose to consult Uncle Yu for assistance. She sent a letter to Uncle Yu, requesting him to scour for a famous doctor in Jiangnan, but the matter was not yet settled and was set aside for the meantime.
This afternoon, Feng Sheng was half-leaning on the kang, reading a book while basking in the sun.
Zhi Chun brought a bowl of white fungus soup and set it on the small table on the kang. She did not leave and instead gazed at Feng Sheng. She was about to speak but hesitated.
“What’s wrong?”
Zhi Chun sat on the footrest and leaned against Feng Sheng’s leg.
She and Zhi Qiu were used to being this intimate to Feng Sheng. There was usually no one in the room, so they were not so particular about etiquette. Every time the two of them had something they wanted to talk to Feng Sheng about, they would do the same gesture.
“Miss, will you tell the prince about that matter?” In the past, when Feng Sheng was still dressed as a man, Zhi Chun and Zhi Qiu would only call her Miss in private. Since Feng Sheng became a princess consort, they had changed their way of address, but they occasionally used the term Miss when speaking intimately.
“Why are you suddenly asking about this?” Feng Sheng asked without even raising her brows, turning the pages of her book.
Zhi Chun lowered her head. “This servant is only thinking about Miss. This servant thinks that the Prince shouldn’t be told about this matter. If the imperial noble consort finds out, there will be another disturbance. The imperial noble consort has always been anxious to hold her grandson.” That day when Imperial Noble Consort Li and Feng Sheng had conversed, Zhi Chun was also there.
Feng Sheng put down the book, lifted the bowl of white fungus soup and drank it. The corners of her eyes drooped, emitting a particularly gentle and soft feeling.
“Then, what do you think should be done?”
“This……” Zhi Chun paused before continuing, “This servant is just a maid and doesn’t know what to do. This servant simply thinks that Miss should plan ahead, so as not to be caught unprepared.”
“Plan ahead?” Feng Sheng mumbled.
“Yes, ah. If you really reach that point, this servant fears that Miss won’t be able to stand it. Miss has always been proud and couldn’t tolerate something like that. So, this servant feels that it’s better for Miss to plan ahead. Back then, Madam had planned to send her maid to the Master, but the Master didn’t agree lest he hurt Madam’s heart. At that time, this servant’s mother had thought this was a good way. If the maid had become pregnant, given birth to a boy, and had that boy raised under the Madam’s knee, then Miss wouldn’t have had to go through so much hardship. Madam would have also been at ease. It’s a pity……”
“Zhi Chun, how old are you this year?”1
Zhi Chun hadn’t anticipated Feng Sheng to ask her this and was confounded. “Miss, this servant is nineteen this year.”
“Nineteen, ah? Last year, I asked you if you wanted to get married. I ask you every year, and you always say no. I think it’s going to take you a lifetime if you keep dragging on like this.” Feng Sheng’s tone was somewhat trancelike.
“Miss, this servant is not going to marry. This, this servant is going to serve you for a lifetime.”
“You’re too stubborn a girl. What else can I say?” Feng Sheng smiled and stretched out her hand to stroke Zhi Chun’s hair. “You better think about it carefully. Don’t be in such a hurry to make a decision. After all, this is your whole life. As for the matter you mentioned, let me think about it. Anyway, there is no need to rush. About that, when the time really comes and I need to come to grips with it, who would be a suitable candidate? I can’t find a suitable person at the moment.”
Feng Sheng’s affable attitude probably loosened the atmosphere that Zhi Chun also relaxed and actually proposed Feng Sheng ideas.
“What does Miss think of Zhi Qiu? Zhi Qiu is good-looking, and she’s of appropriate age……”
“I don’t think I’m suitable at all!” A voice erupted from outside the bead curtain. Soon, with the rattling of beads knocking against each other, Zhi Qiu stomped in with large strides.
Her face was stern and livid. In terms of countenance, Zhi Qiu was quite attractive, not bad compared to Feng Sheng. Her facial features were very delicate, and her figure was dainty and exquisite. However, she was very fierce. Despite her appearance as a little maidservant in front of Feng Sheng, she was actually quite capable of putting on airs.
She was the youngest among several first-rank maids in the courtyard, but she was the most responsible, and even Zhi Chun took her as her master.
Seeing Zhi Qiu barge in, Zhi Chun’s face flashed with a hint of panic.
“Zhi Qiu……”
As expected, Zhi Qiu didn’t give her any face.
“Zhi Chun, I heard what you just said. What are you thinking? I’m telling you this today because you’ve been serving Miss with me for many years. You’ve been with Miss earlier than me, and I call you sister. Had it been someone else, I would’ve slapped her to death today!”
“What else can I be thinking? I’m just suggesting this for Miss’s sake. Must we really wait for the Imperial Noble Consort or the Prince himself to suggest this so Miss can save her face? Miss has always been proud and couldn’t bear such things, that’s why I suggested she should plan ahead so she won’t be caught off guard when things come to pass,” lamented Zhi Chun as she rose to her feet, sounding very aggrieved.
“Just say it outright that you want to become a master. Beating around the bush talking about me, but in fact, you’re talking about yourself. You dare to say you don’t have any intentions? You think that the Prince treats Princess Consort well, is handsome, and has a noble status, so you’re tempted, aren’t you?”
“I’m not!” Zhi Chun shouted and wept. “If I have such intentions, I’ll be struck by lightning, split into two halves, and die a horrible death without a proper burial!”
No one expected Zhi Chun to cast such a curse. Now that things have come to this, in the end, Feng Sheng understood her better than Zhi Qiu did. At this point, she could tell Zhi Chun wasn’t spouting lies. Could it be that she was wrongly accused?
Zhi Qiu pursed her mouth and spat out, “I don’t care what you think. Anyway, don’t push those plans on me. I made up my mind to wait on Miss for the rest of my life as her little servant girl. I don’t have the fortune to think about anything else. As for other things, it’s not your place to even consider it. You even said that Miss is proud, even suggesting such a thing to Miss……”
“I really did it for Miss’s sake so that she could plan ahead. Miss, please believe me……”
“What should your Miss plan ahead?”
Another voice joined in, and now, even Feng Sheng could not sit still.
Translator’s Note:
Only 10 more chapters until we reach 100. Happy holidays, everyone. I’d really appreciate it if you leave a review on NovelUpdates or add the novel to your reading list if you haven’t already. Thanks for reading!
1 Feng Sheng asked one of her maids in the Sun family the exact same question in Chapter 6. If you remember the context, it’s a clue about what happens next. I don’t know whether it was intentional or coincidental.
