Am I the same as them?
“… So, in conclusion, he is the professor’s son.” The doctor hesitated as he looked through his glasses.
Across him was a child, who seemed to be around 6 to 7 years old, seated on a man’s lap while he nodded his head with headphones on.
“Professor Im, I am unsure on what to say.”
“… I can understand even if you don’t say anything. It has to be one of the two. A psychopath or an antisocial personality disorder. He is probably on the border between those two.”
The doctor nodded with a painstaking expression on his face.
The man called the Professor Im looked down at his child.
The child seemed emotionless. Rather, he seemed to be the easy going style who didn’t care. It was just Professor Im who was sad.
“… still, have some confidence, professor. Since it isn’t psychopath.”
“You were under me so you should be aware of it too. The psychopaths and antisocial personality disorders are, after all, like the front and back of the same piece of paper.”
“… you are putting in harsh terms.”
The child fiddled with the doctor’s nameplate. The doctor and the professor were talking about the very same child, yet he didn’t seem to care.
Clang.
“…”
The child threw the doctor’s nameplate and broke the window. At that moment, both the doctor and professor Im were puzzled.
“Hansol-ah! Why did you do that?” Professor Im shouted, but Hansol who still had the headphones on and couldn’t understand. Hansol kept on staring at the broken window. Neither joy nor anger could be made out in that child’s face. Professor Im rushed over to Hansol and searched his body for any injuries. Fortunately, he didn’t seem hurt.
“Are you fine?” Professor saw his student, the doctor, who shook his hand and said that it was fine. However, his eyes lingered on what just happened.
Professor Im knew very well on what had to be done. “Let me pay for the replacement of the window glass. That is the least I could do.”
“Why would I let the professor pay…”
“It is obvious that this is my responsibility since this is something my child did.” Professor Im spoke firmly. While professor Im was trying hard to make up for the situation, the child who created the situation still had on a blank expression. Looking up at his father, his eyes were asking if they could head out quickly.
Professor Im was also prepared to get home. If he stayed any longer, he would end up turning into a burden for his student.
“… Hansol-ah, let’s go.”
Holding onto Hansol’s tiny hands, the professor left the clinic in a hurry. Once he walked out, he heard the nurses gossip about the Professor and Hansol, probably because of the noise which was heard from the room. Professor Im wasn’t so sure if he would ever go back to his student’s clinic again, so he bowed and headed out.
Hansol, who created the accident, kept on walking beside the professor without any reaction. He looked around to realize that everyone was looking at his father. Did father do something?
“Dad.” Hansol kept on calling for his dad while walking. However, his father’s gaze never reached his.
Arriving at the car, Hansol got into the passenger seat, with his father still refusing to look at him. Instead, he only looked straight ahead.
“Hansol, what did dad tell you? Did I say that you are not supposed to throw anything?”
“I liked the smooth feel so I just threw it.”
“Hansol-ah.”
The professor’s voice turned stern. Hansol was very well aware of what it meant. His father was furious. It wasn’t just once or twice that such a scene happened. Professor Im was serious in his disciplining towards Hansol, being aware of it, Hansol looked into his father’s eyes. Hansol never understood what the ‘reference point’ to the other people was.
“I’m sorry.”
A blunt response. Hansol knew very well on what kind of answers he had to give to please his father. Once he said ‘sorry’, it would end. That was what the 7 year old Hansol understood. Grabbing onto the steering wheel, Professor Im sighed. He wondered if Hansol really understood it or if it was plain analysis of incidents.
“Im Hansol. Are you really feeling sorry towards your dad?”
“Yes, dad. I am sorry.”
“Hansol-ah. I’ll let this incident go just for today. However, don’t tell you mom about this.”
Professor Im always asked Hansol to not tell his mother when such things happened. Everything he did, Professor Im would say the same line. When he tore off a butterfly’s wings, or tore off the wings of a dragonfly or looked indifferent while trampling on ants, Professor Im always said that.
Hansol never understood his father’s reasons for saying such words, but he never told his mother. Hansol’s mother was under the impression that her child was mature and trustworthy, something not suitable for his age. After that, not once had he known that professor Im was struggling on his own.
“Once we head back home today, how about we talk among ourselves. Okay? Im Hansol.”
“Yes. Dad, we will.”
The so-called talk with Professor Im was ‘education’. The Professor, who noticed his child’s mental development from early on, would correct his behaviour one after another whenever he displayed an abnormal attitude to make sure that his wife didn’t notice. To the point of making him look ‘normal’ for other’s eyes. Had it not been for those talks, Hansol would have been so much trouble.
“… ugh.”
Hansol woke up from sleep. His sleep was often deep. There were times when he would dream about the past days where he was being ‘educated’ by his father, Professor Im. It was such unwelcome news for Hansol.
Before he could completely wake up, the police station had called.
“Yes, detective.”
[You will have to hurry here, doctor.]
“What is this about?”
[You know that serial killer in Hwajong-dong. He was caught. He claims that he has some kind of a mental illness. It is clear that he is trying to get out of this… doctor please help us out.]
“Firstly, secure his medical records and other things.” While he hung up the phone, Hansol looked at the TV with a blank expression.
[Breaking News. The culprit of the serial murders has been revealed as Mr. Kim Mo. He is said to have killed 11, and with 6 of them being buried. Mr. Kim is said to be suffering from a mental disorder and had no other option but to take the help of a public sponsored attorney. The public is wondering if the prosecution will take his plea into account…]
Am I the same as them?
His father always tried to educate him to be like the others. Today, Hansol’s dream of being and working with his father made him feel strange. As soon as he got up, his head was throbbing, which made him reach out for the medicine from the table.
As he was about to get ready to head out to the police station, his father called. He talked to his father once or twice a year.
That too only when his father calls. Hansol didn’t want to answer his father’s phone call right in the morning. Probably because he had a strange feeling towards his father, no matter how much he ‘educated’ him, but couldn’t stop it on ‘that day’.
Some call it having emotions, some call that emotion as hate, and some…
Hansol watched as his phone rang with a cheerful sound on the table, and swiped it to the left. The phone which went silent after rejecting the call, began to ring again.
“… damn it.”
Hansol knew why his father was being so persistent. He didn’t even have to look at the calendar to know what the day meant.
The day, it had been 10 years since ‘that day’ happened. Even today, 10 years later, his father was still unable to let go of what happened. Hansol couldn’t fully understand his father’s heart. But he knew one thing. What happened then had to be solved.
“… Hello.”
[Hansol-ah. It is today. Don’t forget to come home after work.]
“… fine.” The conversation between them ended there.
Hansol changed his clothes and headed down to the police station.
When he arrived there, a familiar detective welcomed him.
“Dr. Im. You came. Just in time, the interrogation is underway…”
“Hold on.”
“Mixed coffee, one cup”
“No.”
“Ah… right! Dr doesn’t like mixed coffee right. Then, how about I go ahead and get you an Americano?”
The detective seemed to be in a good mood. It was as if he was overflowing with positive emotions after catching the serial killer. Hansol wasn’t swept away by those emotions. He was only called to analyse the criminal’s psychology and that they hadn’t indicted him yet.
And… he was curious.
The ‘mental disorder’ emphasized by the killer coincided with the disease he had been aware of for 25 years? Had it not been that, Hansol wouldn’t have taken such a path. He chose the path because he was curious if there was someone like him. His father liked thinking that Hansol was well ‘educated’, but Hansol knew… that wasn’t the case.
Until now, he never found the real thing among those in society who called themselves misfits.
“Dr. Hansol. Would you like to drink this?” Hansol raised his head at the sarcastic voice of someone. Hwajong police station’s troublemaker, Woo-cheol stood there holding an Iced Americano.
Woo-cheol would react the same way whenever Hansol visited. At one time, he could openly solve the cases, and one time he would ask Hansol to be the profiler for the case. Even then, Hansol never reacted to him. It wasn’t because Woo-cheol was some low ranking detective, but it was the superiors who decided on whom to be allotted on the cases.
And he knew well how he was being referred to.
Im Hansol, genius profiler.
“… thank you.”
“You came from far, but you are being made to wait for so long?”
“It doesn’t matter if I’m waiting, go back to your work.”
However, Woo-cheol didn’t go and sat right next to Hansol.
“Doctor. Answer me honestly. You are tired of meeting those bastards. Right?”
“… not all questions have to be answered.”
“Every time I see you, I am always curious. My nose works like a dog’s nose. And you smell very strange. Very similar to the ones inside. So tell me honestly, looking at those pups inside, something inside you awakened, right?”
Hansol turned his head toward Woo-cheol who was speaking out his mind. Hansol opened his mouth. “… well, the detective doesn’t seem much different from them either.”
“… what?”
“It is like you are speaking about yourself by using me as an example. Could you be trying to explain yourself?”
“Wai-wait! Doctor!”
“Yah! Kang Woo-cheol! Don’t bother the doctor and go away!”
“… Yes, sunbae!”
Woo-cheol was called by the senior detective. Hansol looked back and suddenly thought of ‘that day’. Maybe today was the best day to think of ‘that day’.
To say that they and I smell the same… maybe because of the abilities that I have hand since then.
Hansol’s life had changed since ‘That day’.