Hotpot 18
Meng Xiaoni had heard that owners of cats and dogs would either be woken up early in the morning by their cat trampling on their face, or from their dog’s licking.
But she didn’t expect that being a parrot owner would result in being woken up in the middle of the night.
And the reason for that was because a group of ghosts had come for the boss.
Who was the boss?
Was it her?
She had lived as an ordinary human being for so long, but this was the first time she was being regarded as a boss.
Guifeng pecked her awake and flew naturally to the windowsill, skillfully pulled open the curtains with his claws, and looked out the window.
To a group of ghosts, a single street was no distance at all.
They were soon at the entrance of Meng Xiaoni’s hot pot eatery.
“Look everyone, the parrot!” One of the ghosts nodded at the parrot on the windowsill and exclaimed in amazement, “It’s so beautiful!”
Guifeng, who was perched on the windowsill, was indeed beautiful.
In the night, its beauty was no less than it was during daytime: fluffy peach-coloured feathers, and a small, delicate body. Most importantly was its temperament, that no ordinary parrot could match.
Guifeng turned his head to look at Meng Xiaoni, who was struggling to get up from bed. “They’ve arrived.”
Meng Xiaoni got out of bed hurriedly, shuffled her over to the window in her slippers, and looked down.
Downstairs, there was a motley group of ghosts in various attire. At one glance, she could tell that the group wasn’t the serious sort. They huddled together as they peered and pointed upstairs, as if they were viewing elephants in a zoo.
The older ghosts, such as Elder Lu and Zheng Zi, were at least in their fifties to sixties. The youngest one was probably only around seven or eight years old. One who was dressed in somewhat retro clothes from the sixties, and donned a har that looked like it was from the Shanghai cabaret. Another that was dressed more fashionably, had on a non-mainstream sequined spaghetti top, with flowers woven into her braids.
Meng Xiaoni took in a deep breath.
Such a large gathering of ghosts?!
If she didn’t know that ghosts couldn’t touch anything, she would have been seized by panic and scared to death.
She opened the window hastily and asked Elder Lu in a low voice, “Elder Lu, what are you doing here with so many ghosts out?”
Her whisper rang out clearly in the quiet night.
Elder Lu, who was standing right in front, did not look at Meng Xiaoni, but instead looked warily at Guifeng who was beside her. He did not immediately answer her question; it was only when someone whispered to him that he started speaking slowly, “We– came to eat hot pot.”
Meng Xiaoni: “…….?”
Guifeng: “……?”
The ghosts around Elder Lu all nodded; they were particularly polite to Meng Xiaoni, and each bore a smile on their face.
“Xiao Nizi1, we came here to eat hot pot. I heard that ghosts can eat here, right?”
“If we come in the day, we will disturb your business, so we decided to come at night, isn’t that much more appropriate?”
“That’s right, that’s right. We are all good ghosts.”
“In terms of economical efficiency, if the turnover rate of a hot pot restaurant is high, its profits will increase sharply. Your family’s eatery closed up too early.”
Every ghost had something to say; it was just like a market.
If not for the fact that Meng Xiaoni was the only one who could hear, it would be very likely that someone would stick out their heads and yell, “It’s the middle of the night, don’t you need to sleep?”
Elder Lu put on a serious expression and shifted his gaze to Meng Xiaoni. “Xiao Nizi, look, I’ve brought you customers.”
Meng Xiaoni bit back what she was about to say.
Guifeng, who had been watching by the side, spoke, “Ghosts cannot eat the food of the human realm at will. Especially so as the food here does not belong to you.”
The ghosts looked at each other, speechless.
Why could this bird speak so smoothly?
Zheng Zi whispered to Elder Lu, “Lu Zi, is this bird the monster you were talking about?”
Elder Lu made a low grunt in reply.
From only a small distance of one floor in the middle of the night, Meng Xiaoni and Guifeng could hear everything clearly no matter how softly they whispered.
Guifeng’s wings moved slightly; he was thinking, he already couldn’t deal with humans as he wished, was he going to be overrun by this group of ghosts?
“I have a question,” said Meng Xiaoni suddenly, as she sprawled by the window.
Guifeng stopped moving and turned his head slightly, ready to hear what Meng Xiaoni was going to say.
The group of ghosts looked at Meng Xiaoni with anticipation. To them, even if they didn’t get to see the monster, being able to meet this “human who could see ghosts” also made the trip worthwhile.
Meng Xiaoni saw that all the ghosts looking at her; she immediately said what she felt was of utmost importance, “You’ve all come here to eat hot pot, but what are you going to pay with?”
The ghosts: “……”
The scene fell silent for a time.
Guifeng folded his wings and walked arrogantly towards the window. He looked down at the ghosts condescendingly and declared crisply, “Penniless ghosts.”
The ghosts: “……”
Meng Xiaoni was truly perplexed.
It wasn’t impossible to have ghosts as customers.
To Meng Xiaoni, there were two important issues: the first was, who was going to pay the bill; the second, was what to do with the food after they’ve finished eating.
When ghosts eat the food of the human realm, the earthly items wouldn’t disappear.
How would she get rid of so much food?
It was basically because of this that she never took the initiative to make food for ghosts to eat.
All the penniless ghosts on the first floor finally recalled the fear of poverty they had when they were alive.
A ghost decked in riches raised his hand falteringly. “Hell money2…”
Meng Xiaoni said sincerely, “I won’t accept that.”
The ghosts: “……”
All the ghosts looked at Elder Lu.
Elder Lu straightened his neck, “What are you looking at me for? Can’t I take a couple of mouths with my son when he eats?”
Sure.
Of course he could.
“Sigh, I will go back and try to make a request through a dream3… I’ll get my grandson to come have a meal here.”
“I’ll go look for my mother!”
“I, I’m all alone!”
“When my family comes to eat, I will give a treat.”
The group of ghosts started buzzing with discussion.
Meng Xiaoni thought about the circumstances of their hot pot eatery. “……I didn’t make that much hot pot base though. I only made one batch the other day, after that, they were all prepared by my parents. Also, my house will be undergoing renovation soon.”
At this, the ghost of that seven or eight-year-old brat started wailing on the spot.
A ghost next to the child explained to Meng Xiaoni, “Ghosts can’t shed tears, but he’s really crying.”
Meng Xiaoni: “……”
A quick-witted ghost raised his hand, “Say, even if we really come to eat during the day, the little boss can’t stop us, right?”
Meng Xiaoni was slightly stunned.
Indeed, if the hot pot was made by her, then they could be eaten by both humans and ghosts. She couldn’t touch ghosts, so of course, she couldn’t control them. They could come in and eat if they wanted to, and leave if they wanted to.
There was nothing she could do about it.
Elder Lu turned and glared at the ghost, “You and your bright ideas! As ghosts, we should also pay attention to the rules, understand?”
The quick-witted ghost looked embarrassed from being reprimanded, “We have already become ghosts, why do we need to pay attention to rules?”
Human beings were bound by all sorts of constraints; ghosts were as well, but the constraints of ghosts were far different from those they had when they are human.
Guifeng knew the rules of the underworld well. “Everything you do as ghosts are recorded in the First Court of Hell. When you go to Hell, you will have to account for everything.”
The quick-witted ghost muttered in a small voice, “Then, won’t it be fine if I don’t go to Hell.”
Guifeng snorted.
God knows how a parrot could make a snorting sound.
Basically, ghosts did not go to the underworld or delayed going to the underworld for various reasons. This snort clearly had no substantive words, but it struck at the core of their hearts, and made them take on complicated expressions.
Meng Xiaoni had ever heard any ghost talk about the underworld.
She tilted her head slightly and asked Guifeng curiously, “Can’t ghosts just never go to the underworld?”
Guifeng replied, “Have you ever seen ghosts that are a few hundred-year-old? None of the ghosts here is more than a hundred ghost years old.”
All the ghosts downstairs pondered and realised with a start that what Guifeng said was true.
They really have not seen a ghost that’s more than a hundred years old!
Elder Lu was now sure, “You are so familiar with the underworld, you must be a demonic monster!”
The ghosts were suddenly struck by the revelation.
Indeed, it was impossible for an ordinary person to be so familiar with the underworld, let alone an animal of inferior intelligence. This parrot was knowledgeable about the underworld, and could even see their presence clearly.
It must be a demonic monster!
Meng Xiaoni blinked, “Guifeng is a phoenix. Phoenixes are divine beasts, not monsters.”
This time, it was the ghosts’ turn to be stunned.
There were still phoenixes in this world?
Meng Xiaoni said to the quick-witted ghost who was full of ideas, “If ghosts come directly to my place to eat, and on top of that, not even pay, Guifeng will strike. When Elder Lu came to eat today, I forgot to inform Guifeng about it. Elder Lu saw Guifeng get angry, right?”
With eyes full of unreadable emotions, Guifeng stared at Meng Xiaoni.
Meng Xiaoni’s words were spoken as if they were true. Elder Lu did indeed see Guifeng turn into a huge blazing bird. Elder Lu nodded, “Indeed.”
The quick-witted ghost was still unconvinced. He rolled his eyes, obviously harbouring some calculations in his heart.
Guifeng shot a glance at the quick-witted ghost and shook his wings.
The skies suddenly darkened.
A flaming red blaze burst out from the second floor of Meng Xiaoni’s house, breaking through the wall barrier and extending into the endless distance.
The head was raised high, and the sharp bird’s beak opened towards the sky, letting out a crisp cry.
On the second floor, Meng Xiaoni’s entire body was surrounded by large flames.
The flames were not hot; one could even say they were merely warm.
They wrapped around her; the golden-red waves seemed to be dancing around her with her as the centre. The flames that erupted from it carried waves of heat and rushed outside.
On the first floor, the expressions of all the ghosts suddenly changed.
The ghost that had been full of ideas no longer had any ideas now.
They felt the irresistible urge to retreat, and even regretted the idea of coming over to eat hot pot on a whim.
This was a phoenix.
This was the call to a hundred birds that only a phonenix could make.
“Stupid.”
A rebuke, that seemed somewhat magnetic, embedded deeply into one’s brain.
Meng Xiaoni’s opened her eyes wide, and was surprised to find the parrot in the centre of the flame. This peach-coloured parrot had the same posture as a phoenix. From this point of view, could it be possible that everything in front of her was just a false illusion?
The flames were withdrawn.
Guifeng withdrew everything and looked at Meng Xiaoni. “Indeed, I can protect this hot pot eatery.”
The extreme contrast made Meng Xiaoni a little slow to react.
Her eyes drifted over to the ghosts, then back to Guifeng.
The small Guifeng stood on the windowsill with an aggressive aura, “This place, I’ll protect it.”
Meng Xiaoni tilted her head.
Downstairs, Elder Lu choked out haltingly, “We understand, we understand. We will come back next time for hot pot after we’ve thought of a better method. We will pay, for sure.”
All the ghosts nodded nervously, bade farewell nervously, and finally left nervously.
Only Meng Xiaoni, who had been awakened in the middle of the night, and Guifeng, who had previously been resting with his eyes closed, remained.
For some reason, Meng Xiaoni suddenly asked, “Guifeng, do you also have no money?”
Guifeng: “……”
The scene once again fell into silence.
After a long while, Guifeng flew back to the bed, looking resolutely ahead, “You should go to bed.”
After speaking, he lay flat.
Footnotes:
1 Xiao Nizi: 小妮子, a familiar way of calling Xiaoni (晓妮).
2 Hell money: 冥币 mingbi; a form of joss paper printed to resemble legal tender banknotes. The notes are not an official form of recognized currency or legal tender since their sole intended purpose is to be offered as burnt offerings to the deceased as a solution to resolve their assumed monetary problems in the afterlife.
3 make a request through a dream: 托梦 tuomeng; a phenomenon where the ghost of one’s kith and kin appear in one’s dream and make a request.
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