A secluded alley.
Meng Xiaoni earnestly looked up information about Bourke’s parrot with her mobile phone, and summarized a few key words: parrot, pink, love to eat fruits, common in foreign countries, illegal to raise it without a permit.
This character setting was too cute.
“This hot pot is delicious.”
A crisp and clear voice.
Meng Xiaoni, “???”
Meng Xiaoni gazed at the ‘ruby’ that was lying on the edge of the plastic bowl and pecking away at the hot pot. She also summarized it in few key words: parrot, pink, silly, love hot pot, can talk, love to escape confinement.
Something felt amiss.
The pastel pink ruby bird raised its head, spread out its wings somewhat arrogantly, and tilted its head. “Have you never seen a bird eat hot pot?”
Meng Xiaoni answered honestly, “Mm, I haven’t.”
The ruby was not light. As it stepped on the edge of the plastic bowl, it almost flipped over. The bird flapped its wings in fright and landed on the ground again.
Meng Xiaoni’s expression was thoughtful.
The ruby snorted with some annoyance, “Stop fussing over nothing.”
Meng Xiaoni thought she was already being rather calm. Normally, the sight of a talking bird would’ve freaked one out long ago.
Though the ruby was small and cute, it had quite the voracious appetite. In just a few short moments, the bowl was completely emptied. When it was done eating, it didn’t give any words of thanks, and just harumphed. “Ugh, it’s too spicy. What an inelegant dish, as expected of commoner food.”
“You just said that ‘hot pot is delicious.’” Meng Xiaoni pointed out.
“……Hmph!”
Meng Xiaoni was glad that her gut instinct had told her to turn into this secluded alley when she met the ruby.
During a weekday’s working hours, there weren’t many people around the alley.
She squatted down and titled her head, observing the little fellow who’d started pecking and fussing at its feathers. “Why did you escape? I have to send you back to the Forestry Bureau.”
The ruby eyed at her warily, “Mere humans think of confining me? Humph! They think too highly of themselves!”
Its voice was like a child’s, immature and cute.
Meng Xiaoni was rather amused at the ruby’s manner of speech. “Did your former breeder like watching cartoons?”
The ruby spoke slowly, with a natural arrogance in its tone, “Who dares to be my breeder? The queue formed by my worshippers is as long as the River Styx. My soul and body are free, nothing in both Heaven and on Earth can confine me.”
River Styx in Fengdu?
It may a strange bird with delusions of grandeur, but it is quite cultured.
“You were caught by a ‘mere human’ yesterday, and got locked in up in a cage.” Meng Xiaoni reminded the ruby, as she hid a smile.
The ruby was visibly annoyed. It flew straight at Meng Xiaoni’s head and landed there, grasping her hair with its claws. “That sort of incident, don’t even think of bring it up ever again.”
Its actions startled Meng Xiaoni. She couldn’t see the little pink fellow anymore, and she was worried that it would do something worse to her head.
“A mere human.” The ruby pecked at Meng Xiaoni’s head.
Meng Xiaoni’s scalp felt numb, causing her body to tremble involuntarily. Then she realized that it didn’t really hurt at all, it was just like being poked by a toothpick.
Meng Xiaoni held her head still, not daring to move it. She was suddenly struck by a serious concern, “You haven’t wiped your beak after eating, right?”
The ruby, “…”
Meng Xiaoni, “…”
Alright, she now had hotpot grease in her hair.
Meng Xiaoni sighed inwardly.
She was going to go home to wash her hair, and deal with this parrot somehow.
With the little parrot sitting her head, Meng Xiaoni stepped out of the alley. As she made her way home, she said in a slightly troubled tone, “It is illegal to keep you.”
The ruby perched on Meng Xiaoni’s head, bouncing up and down with each step. “Even though there are still many words in the human language with similar meanings, please don’t use them indiscriminately. The most suitable word you may use to describe your plans for me, is ‘worship’.”
The corners of Meng Xiaoni’s lips curved up slightly. “…The Forestry Bureau can also enshrine and ‘worship’ you. So why are you on my head?”
The ruby shifted its feet. “People of related institutions all behave similarly. The officers’ behaviour yesterday revealed what a rude people they are.”
It paused, then continued, “You should be proud that I have deigned to rest upon your head.”
Meng Xiaoni gave it some thought, and realized that to some extent, she did indeed feel proud of herself.
She didn’t know how old the parrot was in human years, but it was clear that its IQ was shockingly high, and it could completely follow her conversation.
Meng Xiaoni felt that as an educated human being, she should at least introduce herself properly. “My name is Meng Xiaoni, a human, the slightly-unusual kind.”
The ruby replied crisply, “Guifeng, phoenix, extremely extraordinary and one-of-a-kind.”
Meng Xiaoni couldn’t help it. “Pfft.”
“……What are you laughing at, you ninny!”
This tone plus that accent…
Meng Xiaoni was shook with laughter.
The ruby who was still perched on her head felt the earthquake-like movements. “……”
Meng Xiaoni was breathless with laughter and rendered momentarily speechless.
A parrot who thought it was a phoenix. This appealed to Meng Xiaoni’s sense of humor greatly. It was even funnier than the sight of the ghostly old man who was trying his best to hit his son that morning.
She laughed continuously for two minutes. Guifeng was deathly silent.
After another five minutes, Guifeng snapped. “That’s enough from you!”
Meng Xiaoni, “I’ll… try——pfft——”
She barely made out the words.
Guifeng’s pride was in smithereens by now. He started to peck madly at her head like a woodpecker. “How dare you laugh at me. Do you know that I have the power to drill right through your head?!”
Meng Xiaoni felt the toothpick-like sensation poking her head and laughed harder, unable to walk.
Gasping for breath, she squatted by the side of the road and hugged her stomach. “No more—my stomach hurts.”
Guifeng was really shocked.
This human being not only laughed at him, but actually laughed till her stomach ached. What kind of screwed up sense of humor was this?
He was also worried that he would be thrown off Meng Xiaoni’s head if this went on. “Control yourself. Human beings are really terrible. They are supposed to be quite evolved, yet they can make such a foold of themselves in the middle of the streets.”
Meng Xiaoni’s eyes were teary with laughter. She finally managed to get a hold on herself and calmed down slightly. Wiping the corners of her eyes, she said, “Throughout the course of mankind’s evolution, there have always been such situations.”
Guifeng thought about it, and replied, “…you might be right.”
Meng Xiaoni started sputtering with laughter again.
Guifeng shut up.
He felt that this woman was quite evil.
Meng Xiaoni felt that this parrot was quite interesting. She didn’t feel like sending back to the Forestry Bureau anymore.
However, judging from the warning they’d received last time, she was afraid that it wouldn’t be easy to get permission keep a Bourke’s parrot as a pet.
She decided that she would do more research on the matter when she got back, and try her best to keep this little fellow in their hot pot eatery. Who knows, it might even become and internet celebrity.
Having had her fill of laughter, she arched her brows good-humoredly, stood up and walked slowly back home. I’m telling you, if you don’t want to go to the Forestry Bureau, you have to cooperate with me. I will do my best to obtain a permit so I can keep you. What do you usually eat?”
Guifeng did not want to be taken away again.
“Fruit, nectar, food that you’ve handled,” he answered.
Meng Xiaoni laughed. “Any food that I’ve handled is amazing, and popular with all ghosts and spirits. I can see ghosts, so can I be considered as not an ‘ordinary human being’?”
Guifeng thought, Naturally.
He replied, “Yes, that is extraordinary indeed. But it just so happens that I can see ghosts too.”
“Really?”
Guifeng pecked Meng Xiaoni again and reiterated in warning, “I am a phoenix!”
Meng Xiaoni laughed lightly. She might have believed it to be true at first, but the childlike whine of his tone wasn’t very convincing, and she felt it hard to believe.
With food preferences settled, the next thing to consider was about living arrangements.
Meng Xiaoni’s did not have a bird cage at home.
“Where had you been sleeping?” she asked.
Ghost Phoenix: “In a Wutong tree1.”
Very much in line with the habits of a phoenix.
Again, Meng Xiaoni shook with the effort to suppress her laughter.
Guifeng, “……”
How infuriating!
Meng Xiaoni brought the little one home. Before she even got close, she saw that there was a table set up in front of the entrance. Father Meng and Mother Meng playing mahjong with the couple next door. There was a faint purple light in the room, and it looked like it was still being disinfected.
In addition to their love for spicy food and hot pot, the people of Fengdu loved mahjong.
Even in heaviest pouring rain and worst raging storms, the people of Fengdu could set up the mahjong table at any time, and call people over for a few rounds.
Meng Xiaoni walked up to them. “Pa, Ma, I’m back.”
Father Meng discared a tile. “So early? The house is still being disinfected.”
Mother Meng, “Gang! Hey, that little thing on your head looks a little familiar.”
Father Meng looked up when he heard this, and his eyes widened. “Oh, isn’t this the parrot from last night?”
The other couple couldn’t help but look up at Meng Xiaoni, and were both surprised. “Hey, this bird is beautiful! So, this is the one from last night?”
Mother Meng responded, “Yes, yes. Xiao Meng, quickly take the parrot off your head, what if it has some disease?”
Guifeng, “I’m not diseased!”
Everyone, “???”
The words, “I’m not diseased” were too clear, and all the people present were momentarily stunned.
The voice really didn’t sound like that of anyone present.
Father Meng and Mother Meng looked at Meng Xiaoni.
Meng Xiaoni didn’t know if Bourke’s parrots could speak. She blinked, pinched her throat, and imitated Guifeng’s voice daintily and crisply, “I just learned speak like this, isn’t it funny?”
“Oh Nini! Really,” said Mother Meng to Meng Xiaoni with a smile.
Guifeng became annoyed listening to this exchange, and couldn’t resist lowering his head and pecking Meng Xiaoni again.
Meng Xiaoni stretched out her finger and flicked Guifeng, hitting him directly on his backside.
Guifeng: “???”
Meng Xiaoni muttered in a low voice, “If you keep doing that, I’m going to be pecked bald by you.”
The ghost phoenix looked warily at Meng Xiaoni’s still-outstretched hand, shifted his weight and sat back down. His feathers slightly ruffled, he thought sulkily, What’s wrong with this human? How dare you hit a phoenix’s backside?
Meng Xiaoni started to head upstairs with the moody parrot, “Ma, I think fate has brought this parrot to our family. I want to go check if the Forestry Bureau can issue us a permit. I want to keep it.”
Father Meng and Mother Meng exchanged looks, still a little worried.
After all, they’re running an eatery.
“Nini, this bird is different from other animals. It can’t be potty-trained you know? ‘Plop’ and it’s out, it can’t be controlled,” said Father Meng
Guifeng, “…”
The description was so vivid that Meng Xiaoni subconsciously raised her hand to move the bird away from her head.
The slandered Guifeng was furious and pecked at Meng Xiaoni’s approaching hand.
Even a chicken uses more power to peck at its rice.
Meng Xiaoni, “…”
Well. While the bird was unsurprisingly temperamental, it turned out to be rather weak.
Finally, Mengmu suggested, “We should first find a cage for it and keep it upstairs. All the smoke downstairs is not good for it too. I heard yesterday that it seems to be an uncommon parrot.”
Meng Xiaoni thumped up the stairs, “Mm, I will.”
Footnotes:
The bird has a name! Guifeng’s name is written 鬼凤, literally Ghost (Gui) Phoenix (Feng). With her new mythical companion, it looks like our FL is one step nearer to her underworld hotpot restaurant!
I’ve also made the decision to format Xiaoni’s name as Xiaoni instead of two separate characters from this chapter on ^^
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