In Search of Love Chapter 2
Su Xiaopei returned home and remained silent for the rest of the night.
On the next day was Sunday- with no work to go to and no blind dates to attend, she stayed at home for the whole day. She certainly didn’t go to some hospital and in fact, she didn’t think about it altogether.
When she used to work as a psychiatrist, she once met a patient who believed himself to be the supreme ruler over the universe and all living things within it, and hence, was the one in charge of the life and death of all under the heavens. Today’s encounter was only with a ‘Yue Lao’ so it was just not in the same league. That was why she was able to hold her own and withstand it- hospitals or traversing or whatnot, just let him have at it.
Su Xiaopei lived alone and kept her home tidy enough, though there were piles of books and old case files left about everywhere. She had no love for household chores, no interest in men, and believed she had another purpose in life.
There was a framed photo on the side table next to her sofa and another one was on her desk as well as at the head of her bed. All of them contained a family portrait of three. The one on the sofa was of her at six years old, sitting up high on her father’s shoulders holding a pink balloon while her mother stuck close to his side like a timid, little bird resting there, her face full of blissful happiness. Her father was fully dressed in his police uniform, gallant and handsome in appearance, with a radiant smile on his face. It was the exact same image she had of him in her mind.
Su Xiaopei’s father was called Su Jian’an, a police officer. During one year, he had participated in the investigation of a serial murder case where the killer targeted policewomen and thus committed three consecutive murders. The police were at the end of their ropes and unable to do anything. In the end, they had decided to set a trap to lure the criminal into their snare. To everyone’s surprise, the killer saw through the scheme and Su Jian’an, who had been disguised in plainclothes to keep surveillance of the scene, was killed on the spot.
Su Xiaopei was fourteen that year.
Su Xiaopei loved her father deeply and the incident dealt her a tremendous blow. The fact that the killer remained at large caused her even more grief; she’d sworn then, that she would definitely capture the killer and bring him to justice.
Becoming a doctor had been Su Xiaopei’s ambition since she was little and Su Jian’an had been supportive of her, always believed in her capabilities. It was because Su Xiaopei was very intelligent and had always done very well in academics; it was quite common for her to win first place. But after the death of Su Jian’an, Su Xiaopei no longer wanted to become a doctor. She wanted to be a police officer, just like her father.
This new ambition met with her mother, Li Fei’s, strong opposition. She’d already lost her husband and couldn’t possibly accept the risk of losing her daughter as well. For her, the profession of being a police officer didn’t represent upholding justice nor was it about pursuing her husband’s killer, but represented peril and death.
The mother and daughter were entirely unable to make a compromise on the matter. Li Fei was dominating and overbearing while Su Xiaopei was unyielding and obstinate. The pair of them quarreled almost everyday, finding even the smallest of faults in each other no matter what they did. Li Fei ruthlessly gave her ultimatum- Su Xiaopei had better not even think about being a police officer for as long as she was alive. She even went as far as taking her own feather duster in hand to chase and beat Su Xiaopei in public at her school. Of course, the things Su Xiaopei did also exceeded what was proper. She had once run away from home as a sign of protest only to be caught by her father’s colleague and brought to the police station. The relationship between mother and daughter became troubled in their deadlock.
It was Aunt Su Li, who couldn’t bear it any longer and took Su Xiaopei to her home for a short time to ease the conflict between them, even forcing them to see a psychiatrist for psychological counseling and resolution. This was Su Xiaopei’s first encounter with a psychiatrist. Su Xiaopei softened and submitted after that. She moved back home and promised her mother that she won’t apply for the police academy exam. She wanted to be a doctor after all.
Su Li’s reaction at the time was to embrace her daughter and weep loudly in relief. But what she didn’t know was that her daughter had an entirely different idea in her heart. She was going to be a doctor- a psychiatrist specifically.
Su Xiaopei worked extremely hard and at twenty-three, received her master’s degree with a brillant academic performance and the favor by both professors and other related people alike. She participated in various research on related topics including those that interested her: criminal psychology, behavior analysis, studies on microexpression, so on, so forth. She then accepted a position in her mentor’s Institute of Psychological Research and worked on her PhD while engaging in psychiatry related work.
Su Xiaopei’s mentor, Wang Dan, was a well-known psychiatrist within the country as his research institute had international connections and collaborated in psychiatry related fields- among them included police work.
Su Xiaopei was Professor Wang’s most favored student. With Professor Wang’s recommendation and the professional work she did at the Institute of Psychological Research, she began to participate in collaborations with police affairs from assisting the police through the perspective of criminal psychology, to participating in criminal profiling, to providing counseling and psychological treatment for police personnel. She was very active, highly cooperative, and played a significant role in many case investigations. So although she was young, she started to gain quite a bit of fame.
Fame for her was the same as earning a degree- she didn’t care too much for either one. But she knew that both were things that would earn her more opportunities, more assertive power. Her goal was clear. She was going to use her professional knowledge to break into the criminal investigation circle and finally catch her father’s killer. She didn’t let her mother know of course, that the identity of a psychologist to her, was a very good cover.
But there will always be a day when such matters would be exposed. Because Su Xiaopei was on mass media.
At the time, she had stepped into court to testify for the sake of a murder case, not knowing that this case was quite influential and had attracted the attention of various media platforms. Su Xiaopei’s name had consequently also appeared in the newspapers, the internet, and on television; even a photo of her walking out of the courtroom was taken. The media took it a step further for the sake of publicity by exaggerating Su Xiaopei’s role in the case and slapped on the sensational title, “Genius Beauty, Psychology Expert’s Wisdom Solves Strange Case”, on their headlines.
And Li Fei saw this particular one.
It was akin to stabbing a hornet’s nest, as it was then that Li Fei realized why her daughter wanted to move out to live independently. It turned out she feared she would find out the details of her work. She couldn’t keep her fury in check and cursed furiously at Su Xiaopei.
Both mother and daughter clashed once more. Li Fei insisted for Su Xiaopei to resign from the Institute of Psychological Research and find an ordinary job. Su Xiaopei refused and the two remained in a stalemate for a period of time.
Li Fei fell ill in the end and Aunt Su Li intervened to urge her. Su Xiaopei finally gave in, resigned from her job and turned to working as a journalist. Only then did the tension between the mother and daughter’s relationship ease.
Little did Li Fei know that Su Xiaopei was once again playing the same tactic, merely complying in appearance while rebelling in her heart. For while she was working as a journalist, she actually ran the criminal investigation section. In other words, though she may have changed her identity, she was still immersed in the world of police and criminals.
It was unfortunate that it was just over a year on the job before the truth was leaked again. The reason this time was because Su Xiaopei received a menacing letter from the suspect, who threatened her to halt her investigations and not to report on a certain case in depth or else she’d be taught a lesson she wouldn’t forget. As luck would have it, the letter ended up in Li Feu’s hands when she went to visit Su Xiaopei. This was no trivial matter and it frightened Li Fei more than when she saw her daughter on the newspaper handling a case.
Needless to say, remaining on this job was no longer feasible either. Because Li Fei stated clearly, should Su Xiaopei not find a job that would set her heart at ease, then she will go kill herself right in front of her daughter.
Of course, Su Xiaopei was not worried that her dear mother would actually go and seek death, for she could tell whether she was saying them in the heat of the moment or being sincere. But she still compromised because she knew that with her mother’s fortitude, if she didn’t render Su Xiaopei sick then she’d be pestered to death.
S Xiaopei proposed returning to the university to teach as with her kind of resources and experience, finding a teaching position would not be difficult. Moreover, Professor Wang Dan had hoped she would return to assist him at the university. But Li Fei disapproved. She felt that teaching at the university was not rigorous enough and as it still involved the psychology circle, it was only a matter of time before she returned to her old ways.
Su Xiaopei’s struggle once again ended in defeat and eventually, under the arrangement of Aunt Su Li, she joined a publishing house as an editor.
The editor-in-chief was Su Li’s old acquaintance and had heard that the newcomer was the famous ‘Beauty, Psychiatrist Expert’ who had previously been covered by the media; he was overjoyed. Previous movies and television programs caused the topic of psychology to go viral and he had just been thinking of using this driving force to produce literature on workplace-related psychology. With a little packaging here and there, they could become bestsellers; having a well-known psychologist who also happened to be a beautiful young lady would only add to the hype. It simply could get any better than that.
Su Li and the editor-in-chief got along with each other instantly, which helped Su Xiaopei gain a fairly good treatment and pay- just like that, her contract* was settled. Su Xiaopei objected to this, deliberately scorning the salary of an editor for being low while having to do such cumbersome work. But Li Fei only rebuked her once more. What the hell is the use of a high salary if you’re dead and can’t use it. And to say the work is cumbersome- could she say that it was more cumbersome than chasing down criminals?
[TL/N: The words used here is quite sarcastic as 卖身契 also means to ‘contract to sell one self’. Back in the old days, when a family was poor and there were a lot of mouths to feed, the children, usually the girls, would be sold off in a contract to wealthier households to be servants for a certain amount of years equal to the amount of silvers the contract cost. That’s the kind of parallel this paragraph is setting, mostly likely hinting at Su Xiaopei’s perspective.]
Su Xiaopei desperately wanted to say that she had never directly confronted a criminal and they had never brushed against even a finger of hers. But seeing her dear mother’s agitated reaction made her swallow her words back down.
In short, Su Xiaopei finally settled in at the publishing house; she didn’t lose heart for she could accept a temporary compromise. Besides, she had a feeling that the editor-in-chief was quite interested in her professional experiences and even more so, with the psychology perspective. Perhaps in time, she would have the opportunity to persuade him to do a book series on criminal psychology, and then, she’d be able to use this excuse to continue participating in the pursuit of serial murder cases.
But now that she settled into this new position for not even three months, in a job that was not very engaging, was very smooth-sailing, with neither excitement or happiness, her lovely, dear mother and aunt were suddenly fired up over her marriage prospects.
Perhaps they believed that she would lead a steady, quiet life only if she was married.
And so came the blind dates, blind dates, and more blind dates.
Su Xiaopei didn’t dare not go because Li Fei warned her that if she didn’t obediently cooperate and go to the blind dates, she would move in with her. Compared to threatening to die in front of her or to break her legs, this was much more effective.
Su Xiaopei listened obediently and went to meet those men on time, at the right place. But while dates were dates, none of those men suited her taste. Not only that, she managed to insult each and every one of them.
Su Xiaopei didn’t think it was her fault at all. It was just that for some reason, men these days were questionable in IQ and lacking in EQ. She too, found this rather pitifully regrettable.
Su Xiaopei laid there while thinking about having to work the next day. She had been unable to accomplish anything in the last three months- she didn’t have any experience in producing books nor did she have interest in it so her efficiency was not high. She merely attended meetings as a listener and was always unsure of what topics were appropriate to report on; she even improvised and offered two but neither received approval. The editor-in-chief said he would meet with her tomorrow to discuss her strengths and make good use of them, and then produce some good books.
Su Xiaopei released a sigh as made sure her alarm clock was already set and that the air conditioner was at the ideal temperature. Her father and mother smiled so sweetly from within the picture at the head of her bed. She burrowed into her pillow and suddenly thought she should actually invite that mentally disturbed Yue Lao to chat with her mother, to let her know that her fated person had now become a vegetative person, that there was no hope in this life. She can stop busying herself, stop setting up blind dates. This weekly event was simply too taxing.
She lost herself in various fancies and conjectures, then fell asleep.
Without knowing how much time passed-
She suddenly woke up.
For reasons unknown, she felt as if she was still within a dream.
It was a little cold and a light breeze blew. Everything felt hazy and she wanted to grab her blanket for cover but suddenly realized she was not laying down on her back but rather on her stomach.
She froze and opened her eyes only to nearly fall and hit the ground, shrinking back in fright as she was.
Not far from her was a campfire and sitting before it were two people: a man and a woman.
Wearing ancient clothing.
Su Xiaopei blinked and finally felt more lucid.
The moonlight was bright above while the bonfire blazed below. As for herself, she was currently sprawled atop a tall tree.
Wearing a two-piece, Winnie-the-Pooh, hoodie pajama set.
Su Xiaopei blinked again and slowly turned to look around her. It was a dark and secluded forest. A chilly breeze blew past, causing the branches and leaves to sway and rustle- yet there was no other audible movement. Besides the two before the bonfire, there seemed to be no one else.
It was cold enough for Su Xiaopei to get goosebumps. This dream was really too bizarre.
At this time, the two people over there spoke.
“Is Miss feeling better?”
The young man’s rich and mellow voice was magnetic and quite pleasant to the ears. But the accent was extremely strange.
“This humble one* feels better, many thanks to Warrior’s rescue.”
[TL/N:奴家- Is a female’s way of referring to herself, denoting humility and subservience.]
The woman’s voice was also quite pleasant but the accent was equally strange.
Besides, ‘this humble one’, ‘Warrior’? What the hell was that about?
Su Xiaopei furrowed her brows and instinctively thought back on the words of that delusional Yue Lao.
“If you find yourself pulled over there, don’t be afraid for you’ll be fine.”
Seriously no way! No, no, no, no!!
‘Warrior’, ‘this humble self’- she seriously traversed over!
Su Xiaopei imagined herself speaking like this and really itched to trample on that Yue Lao’s face.
‘Traverse’ her foot! She was a rather learned intellectual!
