Of Mountains and Rivers 29

Chapter 29 – If You’re Unable to Stem a Raging Tide, At Least Try to Find a Path of Reprieval From Death.

Nanshan’s eye sockets were very deep, but the expression in his eyes was very shallow; his happiness, anger, grief, and joy had always been obvious with a glance. 

When he said those words, his dark eyes showed a vague expectation, shrouded behind fluster and all sorts of other emotions; however, there was no sign of coercion. 

Sometimes, staying silent was better than speaking and no coercion was the greatest coercion. Chu Huan only took a mere glance at him before feeling as if he couldn’t breathe. 

He abruptly laid on the yellow and withered grass. A lingering scent of soil now surrounded him, smelling as if it’d preserved a year’s worth of darkness. Only a small lavender flower that’d just bloomed beside his face effused an illusory-like sweet fragrance. 

Chu Huan didn’t answer Nanshan’s question. Instead, he first asked, “Since none of you can leave, why were you still trying to find someone to teach Chinese?” 

Nanshan was silent for a while. “I hope someday my clans-people can leave this place and explore the outside world – to ride on the trains that run faster than horses, to fly in the sky, and to taste things they’ve never eaten before. The landscape here is too small. After generations of looking at it, one would become tired of it.” 

Chu Huan: “How will you achieve that?”

“I don’t know – think of a way,” Nanshan said, before adding, “Maybe in this lifetime, even until death, I won’t be able to find a way. However, I believe that before I die, I’ll be able to give others some time and a little bit of hope, or even some clues.”

Chu Huan refused to believe in ‘coincidences’ and ‘miracles’. He disapproved of Nanshan’s words, so he casually asked, “What if there’s no hope even until your death?” 

Nanshan paused for a moment, as if he heard a Chinese term with a meaning he was unsure of. He considered it for a moment before looking back into Chu Huan’s eyes and sincerely asked in reply, “Doesn’t ‘hope’ refer to something in people’s hearts? How can it not exist?” 

Chu Huan was stunned. 

He suddenly didn’t want to correct Nanshan’s mistake nor tell him the term ‘hope’ was both a noun and a verb, that they had different usages and meanings… Because he felt his words were truly very beautiful. 

If this was truly the case, then probably nobody would lose hope, right? 

Chu Huan squinted and looked at the obscure rays of the sun sinking to the west. After a while, he said, “Sometimes some things are too difficult, causing people to lose sight of the possibility of success. Of course they’d lose hope.” 

“Yes,” Nanshan said, “But even if we can’t succeed, wouldn’t it still be pretty good if I found the possibility?” 

Chu Huan had no words against that.

If you’re unable to stem a raging tide, at least try to find a path of reprieval from death? 

He suddenly felt touched and was dizzy for a while. He irresistibly asked him, “Do you want to keep me?”

Nanshan was stupefied by his sudden question. 

As soon as the question left his mouth, Chu Huan immediately regretted it. He felt he was asking too many unnecessary questions and showering affection on an uninterested party. 

Even if one’s skin is as thick as a city wall, it was still awkward to imagine their love being reciprocated. Whilst Nanshan stayed dumbfounded for unknown reasons, he forced himself to squeeze out a smile. Just as he was about to laugh off the self-caused awkwardness, he heard the other say, “That isn’t the main reason.” 

The corners of Chu Huan’s lips froze and the crinkles by the outer corners of Chu Huan’s eyes disappeared. His smile became slightly bitter.

…He was indeed showering affection on an uninterested party. 

The truth was, Nanshan had almost nodded.

The vision of ‘Chu Huan staying forever’ had suddenly given life to indescribable happiness in his heart. To be attracted to someone from that side of the river seemed to be the predestined fate left for him by his mother’s blood. 

But Nanshan hesitated and suppressed it. He remembered how Chu Huan kept nimbly avoiding this topic when he continuously brought it up in the past. So, without good cause, this person probably didn’t want to stay, right?

Nanshan clumsily tried to choose the appropriate words and arrange them into a reasonable explanation. “After the Shaking Period, the Mountain Door will reverse. When we arrive by that side of the Door, we will enter a very difficult period. This is what we call ‘Winter’. You must have realised by now that we don’t have the concept of ‘seasons’. The coldest period here isn’t very cold whilst the warmest period isn’t very warm. I once heard you say that winter over there was when all the leaves fall down, which was why I used this term – whenever ‘Winter’ arrives, you’ll find that the Mutayi are actually not very ferocious things. It’s dangerous here and your body’s too weak. It’ll be much safer after accepting the blood-exchanging ritual.” 

Your body’s too weak… Too… Weak…

Chu Hua hadn’t yet completely appreciated the bitter awareness that ‘I’m indeed showering affection on an uninterested party’ before Nanshan spared no effort to stab him again. 

What a good person. 

Chu Huan was choked up for a good while before he sulkily ridiculed, “Will I get copper skin and iron bones? Three heads and six arms¹? Wear my underwear inside out²? Or will I suddenly gain some more fresh³ brothers who wear grass skirts?” 

Nanshan’s signal, that’d always run stray, miraculously connected with Chu Huan at that moment – he accidentally heard the sourness in Chu Huan’s words. 

“I didn’t mean it that way. Ankarayiye said you’re very formidable, but your body truly isn’t very good. Generally, this kind of injury-” Nanshan looked at the cut on Chu Huan’s arm and mumbled as he explained, “We heal after half a day’s rest. You already put on medicine, but it’ll still take a long time. It feels as if the blood doesn’t stop flowing. Aren’t you feeling it?” 

Feels as if his own number of blood platelets is too small? 

Chu Huan raised an eyebrow. “That’s right. After all, I’m just a dough figurine that even a branch can stab through.” 

Nanshan was first shocked. Then, his expression looked as if he got caught doing something bad. “How did you know? Who told you?”

Chu Huan cast him a sidelong glance for a moment before suddenly grabbing Nanshan’s elbow and pushing him backward. Nanshan wasn’t at all on guard around him and couldn’t avoid it in astonishment. 

Chu Huan slightly tilted his head. He suddenly grinned. “Ticklish?”

Nanshan: “Eh?”

The reality was evidence he was afraid. Chu Huan locked his joints and pushed him to the ground groaning. The Patriarch was sorrowfully prompted to an all-time majestic low as he evaded, gasping for breath; however, he was also worried about the injury on Chu Huan’s arm so he didn’t dare struggle and aggrievedly indulged Chu Huan. His hair was scattered all over the place, making him look like a maiden who was being forced through something. 

From a bare treetop not too far away came a clear and loud voice, “Ya, there are mountain cats fighting!”

As soon as Chu Huan looked up, he saw Flower Bud covering her little attendant’s mouth before scurrying away without looking back. 

Chu Huan: “…Unlucky child, your whole family are mountain cats.” 

Nanshan was surprised. “You can understand? I thought Ankarayiye was talking nonsense.” 

Chu Huan shrugged his shoulders and released Nanshan. 

Nanshan didn’t get up. Only his fingers moved a little. 

The harmonica hung around his waist suddenly released a long, overlapping hum. Stunned, Chu Huan looked at the wrist Nanshan laid flat on the ground. 

His fingertips were lightly plucking invisible airflows that, under Nanshan’s command, steadily flowed into the harmonica’s fragmented blowholes. Although the notes floating out were slightly stiff, they were consistent and accurate. 

Nanshan: “This is what my dad obtained through changing blood – he even passed it down to me.”

Chu Huan immediately remembered the RMB⁴ Nanshan casually grabbed with a beckon of his fingers near the county’s bus station, then remembered the air arrows the mad dogs ‘Mutayi’ bellowed out at the river. 

These were different from bullets – these were silent; unpredictably powerful and accurate. 

Nanshan could use it to play a melodic tune, but he could also completely penetrate him with no warning. 

Chu Huan remained silent for a long time. He tidied his messy clothes, then sat down on one side. 

He rarely looked this grim. In Nanshan’s impression, Chu Huan was very easy-going, to the point he seemed like someone who’d blindly follow the crowd; lazy; satisfied with just muddling through; not very curious; not very serious. 

Then, he heard the rarely-grim Chu Huan softly but clearly say, “No.”

This answer exceeded Nanshan’s expectations and he almost didn’t react. He subconsciously asked, “Why?”

“I can’t follow your requirements.” Chu Huan crossed an arm over his knees and searched through his pockets, only to find that the cigarettes were gone. Nanshan probably dealt with it as a hazardous product. He had no choice but to withdraw his hand. 

“If I knew for sure I was going to die tomorrow or next month, or, if we stretch it out a bit more, next year, then I’ll definitely promise you. But how long is a person’s lifetime? Maybe something will happen to me tomorrow and ‘ga beng’ – game over. Maybe I’ll live like a tortoise and outlive my usefulness. Within these few decades, nobody knows what they’ll encounter. Since I don’t know what the future will look like, then I can’t give you a lifetime’s promise. Even if I gave it to you, it’ll be a lie.”

Nanshan depressedly stayed silent. 

Chu Huan: “As for whether I’ll become solidified or not – aren’t I still normal now? When you realise I’m not normal anymore, just drag that black fellow over and let him have a bite. It’s nothing. Although I’m ‘weak’, as long as my vital parts are unharmed, a bite or two probably won’t kill me.” 

Although Nanshan hadn’t expressed anything, he had the same sad and lost expression from when he heard the teacher he’d looked forward to seeing refused to come. At that time, they were still strangers who’d come together by chance in the county. 

“Nanshan,” Chu Huan called out softly. “That side of the river is my home. There’s nothing wrong at home right now, so I’m not needed for the time being. It’s hard to say what will happen in the future. Maybe it’ll be peaceful and I’ll never be needed, but if something happens over there and I’m summoned back, I’ll even crawl back if I have to. This doesn’t mean I don’t like you and the clans-people. If possible, I wish I could kidnap all of you away. Do you understand?”

Nanshan lowered his head. “There’s a border we can’t cross, but it doesn’t restrict you. Even if you promise me now but regret it in the future and leave, I won’t be able to catch up to you.” 

Chu Huan smiled lightly. “I know.”

Chu Huan patted off the dry grass on his body and stood up. “You saved me and took care of me. You’re my friend. With friends, there are some things you can casually say and fool around with, but there are some things you can’t joke about. These things must be made clear. Such a solemn promise is the same as an IOU for borrowing money – you can’t just casually sign it.” 

Nanshan looked at him deeply. 

Chu Huan thought about it, then added, “For other occasions – for example, when I praised your taste in fashion – you can just casually listen to it. There’s no need to take it seriously.” 

When he finished speaking, he began pacing towards the cave again.

Nanshan: “Where are you going?”

“I’m going to pay respects to my seniors,” Chu Huan said, “And check whether those rifles and stuff can still be used or not.” 

Nanshan followed him all the way back to the cave. Chu Huan asked him to hold the torch, then bent down and meticulously searched through each veteran’s clothing. He checked their military unit numbers and surnames and recorded their personal information one after the other. 

Nanshan asked, “What are you doing?”

Chu Huan: “I can’t just have them stay either alive but no evidence or dead but no corpse. I’ll record these first. After I leave in the future, I’ll try finding their families and announce their demise.”

Nanshan: “Announcing their demise means informing them they’re already dead?” 

Chu Huan: “En.”

Nanshan: “But they’re not dead yet.”

“How are they not dead yet? In my opinion, they’re dead,” Chu Huan said, “Here, they have no consciousness nor thoughts – they’re just shells… Or should I say remains? For some reason, they haven’t rotted, but without metabolism, there’s no life.

Nanshan thought about it. “I don’t think so.”

Chu Huan: “En?”

Nanshan: “In my opinion, as long as they’re not dead – even if they have nothing – they can still be considered alive.” 

Chu Huan looked back at him in astonishment. 

Nanshan explained patiently, “Maybe there’s little connection between our side and your side – in addition, we’re very far away from each other – so everyone thinks differently.”

“No, I think you’re right.” Wishing to continue, Chu Huan reflected on Nanshan’s words. “You’re right. Chatting with you can make one stay in a good mood for a very long time. Many things can suddenly become more optimistic.” 

As he talked, he suddenly laughed. After making a copy of the last veteran’s information, Chu Huan said, “If I could take you back, I’d definitely sell you to the sporting goods advertisement companies. Even if you just look into the camera lenses and say ‘everything is possible’, the advertising costs will surge.” 

Nanshan automatically interpreted ‘camera lenses’ as ‘instant cameras’ and hastily declined in embarrassment. “No need; shoot however you want – there’s no need to pay. Let’s go. I’ll buy you a drink.” 

Chu Huan’s smile collapsed. “T-there’s no need.”

Nanshan found it strange. “What – you don’t like drinking it anymore?”

Chu Huan covered his stomach. “I don’t want to be an urn anymore.”

After a long in-brain translation, this sentence finished running around Nanshan’s boundless reflex arc and he laughed after an extended delay. 

•·················•·················•

The two walked towards the Patriarch’s yard. By this time, dusk had already deepened. The bone lamps set up everywhere around the clan were exceptionally bright. Chu Huan suddenly remembered, “Oh, right, if possible, could I meet your father? There are still some questions I want to discuss with him.”

Nanshan’s expression darkened.

“He died when I was very young, so I don’t have any impressions of him anymore,” Nanshan said, “He… I’m telling you this mainly because I want you to understand that in the future, you shouldn’t mention him too much around the clans-people, especially in front of the Elder.” 

Chu Huan’s brows raised slightly, feeling like he was going to hear something gossipy. “He lied to the clan and lied to my A-ma. After gaining his powers from the blood-changing ritual, he always wanted to abandon us.” Nanshan stared at the ground. “The reason why he didn’t leave immediately was for the Gatekeepers.”

A Gatekeeper’s entire body was a treasure. Hearing this, Chu Huan already understood.

“He secretly killed several Gatekeepers and hid in the cave over there. He divided their corpses and put them in these strange bottles, and collected their blood. He was found halfway through his journey with all these things. I heard the previous Gatekeeper Patriarch almost fell out with my A-ma because of this.” 

Chu Huan: “…And then?”

“And then my A-ma led the entire clan out to kill him.”

Such a dog-blood, entangling family affair – it was truly inconvenient for Chu Huan to comment on. He could only say, “En… Your mum is truly an admirable heroine. What’s this called? Oh, ‘be adaptable to circumstances; know whom to love and whom to hate’.”

“She also died,” Nanshan said softly. “Us Mountain Keepers value promises. Marriage is one of the most important oaths. Unless the other dies, there will only be that one person in your lifetime. Those who violate this will not receive a pleasant death. Since she took people to kill my A-ba, then it’s impossible for her to continue living.” 

Chu Huan: “…”

Why didn’t anyone inform him they had such a cruel custom? Luckily he hadn’t agreed just then! 

 

1. means ‘possess remarkable abilities’
2. usually used to describe men who may be having an extramarital affair
3. the Chinese idiom used here is ‘顶花带刺’ (ding hua dai ci) which is used to describe how fresh melons and fruits are; fresh ones still have the flower on their stems (顶花)and tender thorns on their skin (带刺)
4. refers to the Chinese currency ‘renminbi’